In Limbo

I am in this going there and coming back, in between limbo business that I can’t seem to shake off.

I was spinning around and around on one of those beautiful clear sky days with my arms out, filled with joy, I kept spinning and spinning, until I had no choice, but to…

stop!

That burst of excitement diminished and came the haze and dizziness trying to put my mind and world back in its original position before I decided to spin and spin and spin.

I am still in that haze. The rush of excitement can ware-off any second, but I want to see my world set in place.

I was in the states for two weeks. It was this burst of love, affection, excitement, fun, hectic, busy, dizzying daze. A good one at that, but still so different from what I had had the previous year and a half. It was great to be instantaneously filled with love and understanding, regardless of any of my actions. I felt that sweet unconditional love that I remembered so well.Everything was so rushed, at one point I lost sight of what way I was spinning right or left or left to right, clockwise, unclockwise, counterclockwise, backwards, or forwards or frontwards. I couldn’t think outside the instant I was living in, at that moment. I felt clouded.

I got to Madagascar and still felt inside that daze, but I didn’t want to shake it off. I wanted that excitement and rush to keep going, to not stop. I stayed in the Peace Corps house, which is in itself limbo. It is not the United States, but not quite Madagascar. It is our own little world of comfort that only we understand (we PCVs) and love for being that umbrella of support that our mothers give us on a cloudy day. I kept going with my American life, stretching it as long as possible, trying to keep my reality in the distance. I am afraid of what is to come, once back in my real home.

If I would have left the day I got back or not, I would have been able to shake it off, but because real official/med business needed to be dealt with I was able to drag it out, and build the anticipation.

I have 8 months to get my shit together, work, finish everything I came here to do, and feel I have succeeded.

But…

 

What if I don’t?

.

..

…

….

Love the craziness they bring.

San Diego is great, but Madagascar is great in its own way as well. My world will never be my world without the bit that Madagascar had a hand in, good or bad.

Up high.

Next 8 months will be interesting, regardless of what comes of them.

I’ll catch you on the other side of the MADa world.

all my loving i send to you.

 

 

 

 

 

12 Jan This entry was published on January 12, 2012 at 7:38 am and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.